


May 26th

by mddnapstablook



Category: South Park
Genre: Birthday, Eric Cartman Being Eric Cartman, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, illegal fireworks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-11-03 20:43:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17884892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mddnapstablook/pseuds/mddnapstablook
Summary: Kyle knows Cartman is planning something for his birthday, he just doesn't know what.





	May 26th

In the weeks leading up to Kyle’s birthday, he couldn’t help but feel a mild sense of… not quite fear, but maybe apprehension? It could only be expected after all, not a week going by that something asinine didn’t cause problems for him and his friends (and on unluckier occasions, to the whole town.) As a result, Kyle wasn’t very confident that his birthday would pass without incident. 

There was, of course, a rogue element to his dilemma that couldn’t be accounted for. Said rogue element was in the middle of berating a relatively innocent Lush employee as Kyle stood back, unimpressed and lost in his own thoughts. 

Kyle watched as the employee finally called for their manager at Cartman’s request, and he was fixed with a triumphant grin as his boyfriend adjusted the tie he was wearing. Kyle still wasn’t a hundred percent sure what this ‘business opportunity’ Cartman was trying to get moving was, but he really doubted a random store in Denver would be willing to take him up on it. Still, he played the part of the dutiful boyfriend, if only to see how it all played out. 

That was just the kind of person Eric Cartman was. Manipulative, cunning, other words that might be insults directed at someone else, but was the highest praise to him. Scheming was in his nature, and that was why Kyle was so fucking _worried_ about his approaching birthday. 

Kyle hadn’t heard so much as a peep from Cartman in regards to the approaching date, which was very unlike him. He had to be planning something, Kyle knew he was, but whatever it was that he had in mind, he was keeping very quiet about it. Kyle’s interrogations revealed nothing, even against the weak-willed Butters he hadn’t been able to find out Cartman’s plans. 

That isn’t to say Cartman couldn’t keep a secret, or that he hadn’t hidden plans of his from Kyle before. He definitely had, and would probably continue to do so as the years went on. The issue, Kyle thought, as the manager arrived and Cartman immediately launched into his proposal, was that Kyle hadn’t heard _anything_. Not a peep. He hadn’t seen any hastily closed e-mails or heard the tail end of phone conversations, nothing. It was driving him a little crazy if he was being honest. 

And meanwhile, Cartman had been his usual self. Kyle’s birthday was in a matter of days and there he was, leaning up against a shelf of discount soaps. At least he was until he was gently reprimanded by a timid-looking cashier. 

“Ay! That’s my business partner you’re sassing!” Cartman yelled, crossing his arms. The cashier apologized and fled as quickly as she could. 

“Your business partner, huh?” the manager questioned, eyeing Kyle’s casual wear juxtaposed with Cartman’s fucking three-piece suit. 

“That’s right! And I’ll see him treated with the same amount of respect as myself.” 

Kyle rolled his eyes. 

“Yes… well, with all _due_ respect, sir, I’ve already told you that we can’t accept this deal or any of the prototypes you’ve sent us. It’s a safety hazard, as well as not something we are equipped to deal with, as we aren’t part of-”

It was weird though, right? Cartman usually went out of his way (albeit occasionally indirectly) to let Kyle know whenever he was up to something. Some of his schemes Kyle would never have even known about if it weren’t for Cartman clueing him in with a shady text message followed up with an, “oops, that was for someone else!”

Security was called not long after Cartman started spewing insults, and for all their effort they’d gotten their pictures taken and pinned to a board with a sign reading, “Absolutely NO ADMITTANCE! (ever!)”. Well, it wasn’t the first place Kyle had been banned from. Probably wasn’t going to be the last, either. 

Cartman was angry on the ride back into South Park, though. 

“What do they know, anyway? My patented light-up bath bombs are the future! If Lush won’t take them, I’ll just find someone who will! Or, hey! I’ll just sell them myself. Why didn’t I think about that before! Sucks that we were banned, though. You probably shouldn’t have leaned on those shelves.”

Kyle hummed in response, too busy thinking and focusing on driving to give a real answer. 

Cartman was unusually quiet for a blissful five seconds before he asked: “Are you okay?”

Startled out of his train of thought, Kyle glanced over to see Cartman pouting. “Are you mad at me?”

Kyle fixed his eyes back on the road. “No, I’m just thinking about something else. I don’t really care about some soap store.” And that was true, the few times he’d gone in had been for Hanukkah presents for his mom and because he sometimes had a bad habit of not being able to say ‘no’ when Cartman asked for things. Only sometimes, though. 

“Must be pretty serious if you’re glaring like that, Kyle.”

Kyle shook his head. “No, it’s nothing. I’m just thinking about my birthday.”

That really caught his attention. “Your birthday?” Cartman paused, considering. “Oh, yeah. I guess that’s coming up pretty soon, huh? Do you have any plans?”

Kyle was, in a word, bewildered. Cartman had… forgotten? Eric Cartman had forgotten his boyfriend’s birthday? What kind of alternate universe had Kyle fallen into? 

“Not really. You know my family usually just goes out to dinner or something else low-key. Probably just going to be us and the guys, I guess.” Kyle shrugged. “Why? Did… you want to do something?” 

With the familiar green and white of their little mountain town coming into view, Kyle felt safe enough to look away from the road and check out Cartman’s expression. He was the picture of nonchalance, head in hand and gazing out the window. “We can do something if you want. I don’t have anything planned, though.”

Kyle blinked. “You’re lying.”

“What? No, I’m not.”

“You are. There’s no way you actually forgot my birthday,” Kyle said with conviction. 

Cartman scoffed. “Well, you’re right about one thing. I didn’t forget. You can’t say I forgot your birthday when it hasn’t even passed yet. And anyway, I knew it was coming up. I just didn’t realize how soon. I already have your present and everything.”

Kyle seethed quietly, not quite sure when he’d gotten so angry or even precisely why. 

“Is this a thing?” Cartman asked as Kyle pulled onto their street. “Are we actually arguing about this?”

Kyle sighed. “No. I’m sorry. This is dumb. I guess I’m just stressed out or something,” Pulling up to Cartman’s driveway, Kyle turned off his car and directed his attention towards Cartman, who looked somewhat like a scolded child with the way he was sitting in the passenger seat. 

Taking off his seatbelt, Cartman frowned. “You’re always stressed out. And over the weirdest shit! Why are you even freaking out about your birthday?”

“I don’t know,” Kyle lied. “But whatever. It’s stupid.”

“I concur!” Cartman announced happily, bad mood abandoned. Leaning over, he gave Kyle a swift kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you in the morning?”

Kyle nodded and watched patiently as Cartman gathered up his briefcase and a few bath bombs that Kyle suspected that he’d stolen on their way out of Lush. 

Had Cartman really forgot? Or not forgotten, as he said he’d gotten Kyle a gift already but was he really not planning anything at all? Kyle wasn’t sure he bought that. Actually, thinking about it, Kyle was sure that was a lie. Cartman was up to something, and Kyle was determined to find out what that something was. And, he thought as he pulled out of Cartman’s driveway, he was sure this mystery gift was the tip of the iceberg. 

-

Enlisting Stan’s help was more difficult that Kyle had anticipated it being. So much for being super best friends.

“Dude, _why_ do you want to find out what the fatass got you so badly? Isn’t the point that it’s supposed to be a surprise?” Stan asked from where he was sprawled out on Kyle’s floor, math problems abandoned. He looked like he was regretting suggesting they take a break now, though. 

“If it was _just_ a present, I wouldn’t care. But it’s not just a present, Stan. This is Cartman we’re talking about, after all.” 

“Right.” Stan deadpanned. “The present is obviously suspicious, but you just don’t know how.”

Kyle knew he was being made fun of, but he nodded anyway. “Right, that’s where you come in.” 

“Kyle, I respectfully request to be left out of your paranoid delusions. Cartman’s crazy, sure, but maybe he’s being honest for once. Maybe he really isn’t planning some weirdly extravagant event or whatever it is you’re worried about.”

“Look, all I’m asking you to do is find out what Cartman got me. Just act like you need an idea of what to get for me, and I’m sure he’ll tell you. Is that really so hard?”

Stan whined. “But I don’t want to! Can’t you just ask Kenny? Or Butters?”

Kyle sat back in his seat with a huff. “I tried asking them already. They both say they don’t know anything.”

“And you think they’re lying.”

Kyle was sure his face said all Stan needed to know. Finally, Stan caved. “Ugh, fine! Whatever! I’ll ask.”

Pleased, Kyle thanked him and suggested they get back to work. Stan groaned in compliance. 

-

On Kyle’s birthday, he wakes up to his mom singing to him as she brings him breakfast in bed. “Oy, my bubbe has grown up so fast! 18 already, oh, I told myself I wouldn’t cry!” Sheila says as she sets down the breakfast tray and fans her hands to preserve her makeup. 

“Awe, Ma,” Kyle groans, but he’s smiling anyway. 

“Yes, yes, I know. Well, I just wanted to get your breakfast ready on your big day. Your father is leaving work early today so we can all go out for dinner, but then you’re free to do what you want tonight. What are your plans for today?” Sheila asks as she straightens her skirt. Kyle swallows a mouthful of food before he answers. 

“I’m spending the day with Cartman, and then tonight we’re gonna meet with the guys and hang out. I don’t really want to do anything exciting, y’know?” Kyle says, and even as he says it, his mind is wondering if things will go to plan. 

“Oh, that sounds nice! Enjoy your breakfast Kyle, and don’t forget to take your insulin, alright? I’m going to get your brother up, or Lord knows he won’t be getting up until we go for dinner.” she replies and blows him a kiss as she exits the room, leaving Kyle to wolf down his food. 

When he calls Stan, he’s disappointed by his reconnaissance. “I don’t know what to tell you, dude,” Stan says as he crunches cereal in Kyle’s ear. “Cartman didn’t tell me anything.”

“Well, what did he say?” Kyle asks as he holds the phone a bit away from his ear. 

“He said I should get you Ariana Grande’s new album,” Stan replies. 

“God damn it, that’s what he wants!” Kyle says. 

“Oh,” Stan says, and Kyle swears. “Well, I can return it and get you something else. But dude, I don’t know what to tell you. He didn’t say what he was getting you. Or even what time we’re meeting at Stark’s, actually. When are we going to Stark’s Pond?”

“Ugh, after I have dinner with my family. You’re still bringing beer?”

“Mhm,” Stan replies. 

“Well, I guess that’s it,” Kyle says, and after a quick goodbye, he hangs up and gets ready to shower. 

When Kyle’s ready, he heads out the door to pick Cartman up. Cartman answers the door fairly quickly, and Kyle’s question about Liane’s whereabouts is met with a vague, “Out.” He grins and gives Kyle a peck on the lips though, so Kyle isn’t worried. 

“Alright, where are we going?” Kyle asks as soon as Cartman fastens his seatbelt. 

“Denver,” Cartman replies, and Kyle nods and starts driving. 

“What are we doing in Denver?” Kyle inquires, turning the radio on. An Ariana Grande song plays, and Kyle can see Cartman tapping along to the beat out of his peripheral. 

“It’s a surprise, Kyle,” Cartman says. Kyle snorts. 

“I kinda need to know where I’m going, dumbass.”

Cartman scoffs and throws a hand over his heart. “ _Rude_. And after I’ve gone out of my way to plan out the sweetest date ever, too. I’m hurt, Kyle.”

“I’m sure.”

“But seriously, I’ll tell you when we get to Denver. Think you can handle waiting a little longer?” he teases, and Kyle grits his teeth. 

“You dick,” he breathes out. “God, I hate surprises.”

“You’ll like this one, I promise,” Cartman says, just before breaking into song along with Ariana, nudging Kyle to try to get him to join in. He doesn’t, but Cartman put in a good effort.

The drive is mostly filled with Cartman singing and the two bickering about stupid shit until they finally cross over into Denver, and then Cartman grins as he starts giving Kyle directions. 

“Oh my God, just fuckin’ tell me where we’re going!” Kyle laughs. 

“Don’t worry, we’re here,” Cartman says, and when Kyle looks, they’re at the Denver Zoo.

“The zoo?” he asks, because, okay, he’s not against it, but he is confused. This is what Cartman planned?

“Uh, fuck yeah the zoo! Guess what zoo just acquired two baby pachyderms?” Cartman unclicks his seatbelt and looks at Kyle expectantly as he pulls into a parking space. 

“Baby elephants?” Kyle asks, brows quirking. God damn it, this was actually a cute fucking idea. 

“Well, I figured we could hold hands, maybe get ice cream and walk around and look at all the stupid animals. Casual, normal birthday date, right?” 

“We’ll see how long that lasts,” Kyle mumbles, but he can feel his face heating up even as he clicks his own seatbelt off. “Alright, let’s go.”

Kyle does his level best not to geek out too hard when he sees the baby elephants, but come on, dude, they’re _baby elephants_. Cartman doesn’t seem bothered by it any rate as he eats his chocolate ice cream and watches Kyle more than he watches any of the animals. Kyle can hardly be pried away from the elephants when Cartman tugs him along to the next exhibit. 

By the end of the date, Kyle has a stuffed elephant and Cartman swings their hands together as they walk back to Kyle’s car. 

“Admit it, you’re totally impressed. Best boyfriend ever, riiiight?” Cartman gloats, and Kyle rolls his eyes as they get into the car. 

“It was… adequate,” Kyle replies. 

“Adequate? Fuck you, you were losing your mind over those elephants, dude,” Cartman chuckles. 

Kyle groans. “Jeez, alright! I had fun, okay. You’re sweet sometimes,” he concedes. 

“ _Sometimes_ ,” Cartman mocks. 

-

They order takeout for lunch once they’re back in South Park, and they eat it on Cartman’s couch as they watch Terrance and Phillip re-runs. Then they play video games until it’s time for Kyle to have dinner with his family, and Cartman kisses him goodbye with a, “See you at Stark’s?”

Kyle nods and kisses him again before he turns to walk over to his house. 

Ike’s the first one he sees when he gets home, he’s sitting on the couch watching How It’s Made. “Oh, great, you’re here,” he says insincerely. 

“Shit, sorry to ruin your day,” Kyle replies dryly as he plops down next to Ike. 

“No, it’s just I know where we’re going for dinner,” he says, and Kyle barely has time to process the statement before Kyle hears a loud clap from the kitchen, where Gerald and Sheila emerge. 

“Kyle’s back! Alright, let’s go to P.F. Chang’s!” Gerald says.

“Oh, God, please no,” Kyle whines as he tries to melt into the couch. “I wish I never fuckin’ got that gift certificate!”

“I’m surprised it still has money on it,” Ike says just as Sheila reprimands Kyle for his swearing.

“Anyway, let’s get going,” Gerald says, now with less enthusiasm as he motions for everyone to head for the car. 

Dinner is lame, but Kyle was expecting that. Gerald gives him gas money (that Kyle is almost certainly going to spend on weed instead) as a birthday present, and Ike hands Kyle a copy of Ariana Grande’s new album. “What? Eric said you wanted this,” Ike says, brows furrowing. 

Kyle blinks once before he takes the album. “Thanks. Are we done here?”

“Oh, not yet, Bubbe! I got you something, too!” Sheila says, hands flying to her purse as she rustles around inside and pulls out a watch. “This used to belong to your grandfather, and now that you’re a man, I wanted you to have it.”

Kyle’s oddly touched, and his heart pangs once as he takes the watch. “Thanks, Mom.”

Ike pretends to gag. 

“Well, alright, let’s get home so Kyle can go hang out with his friends. You’re spending the night with Stan, right?” Sheila asks. 

“Yeah,” Kyle lies as they stand to leave.

-

By the time Kyle gets to Stark’s Pond, the guys are all already there, and Sparky jumps on Kyle immediately. He laughs as Stan calls the dog down, and Stan pulls Kyle into a hug with a pat on the back. “Happy birthday, dude,” he says softly. 

“Yeah, happy birthday Kyle!” Butters cheers from where he’s sitting in Kenny’s lap. “I got you a gift!”

“ _Please_ tell me it’s not Ariana Grande’s album,” Kyle pleads, and Cartman snorts from where he’s opening the eight pack Stan brought. 

“Uh, it’s not?” Butters replies. 

“Thank God,” Kyle sighs with relief as he takes a beer from Cartman. “My parents took us to P.F. Chang’s for dinner,” he says, and it’s met with laughs from everyone but Butters, who ‘oohs’ in ignorance.

“How much do you still have to spend on that card?” Stan asks. 

“$300 and then I never have to eat P.F. Chang’s again in my life,” Kyle replies. 

“Dude, I could eat $300 in P.F. Chang’s, easy,” Kenny says, eyes dazed as he imagines it. Cartman nods in agreement. 

“Well, then you can have the fuckin’ card, because I’m so over it,” Kyle laughs. 

“Do you wanna do cake and presents now?” Butters asks. “I baked strawberry cupcakes!”

“Oh, sweet!” Cartman nods, and Butters jumps up to start passing out his cupcakes from a plastic container. Meanwhile, Kenny stands and stretches and goes about looking for where he set down Kyle’s gift. 

“Here, dude,” Stan says as he hands Kyle a wrapped box. Kyle tears into the gift and smiles at the exchanged copy of an Earl Sweatshirt album. “Happy birthday,” Stan says again, and Kyle grins and hugs him. 

“Thanks, Stan,” Kyle flips the album over to read the tracks as Kenny clears his throat. 

“Here you go!” he announces as he tosses a box of condoms at Kyle. “I know, you’re touched. No thank you’s necessary.”

“Good,” Kyle says as he sets the box down and chugs the rest of his drink. Kenny laughs and nudges Butters’ arm. 

“Oh, I got you something, too! Well, I made it!” Butters says as he hands Kyle a gift bag. 

“Buttercup’s been learning how to knit,” Kenny explains as Kyle pulls out a dark blue sweater. 

“Thank you, Butters,” Kyle says as he examines the sweater with a tilt of his head. It’s a nice color, and Cartman had said before that Kyle looks good in blue. He tugs it on over his flannel. 

“It was nothin’! I’m glad you like it, Kyle!”

Cartman sits down next to Kyle with a sigh. “Alright, my turn,” he says as he pulls an envelope out of his pocket. “I will absolutely accept blowjobs as thanks.”

Opening the envelope, Kyle pulls out two tickets to see the Denver Nuggets. Kyle pushes him with his shoulder playfully as he beams down at the tickets in his hands. “Oh my God, I love you.”

“Gross,” Stan says flatly. “Alright Ken, light the blunt already.”

“Way ahead of you man,” Kenny replies as he exhales smoke and passes the blunt to Butters.

-

The first whistle of the fireworks makes Kyle jump before it explodes in the sky. “What the fuck?” Kyle asks as the sky is lit up in red and green. 

“Happy birthday, Kyle,” Cartman coos into his ear. 

“Oh my God did you really- Fireworks are illegal in Colorado!” Kyle laughs as Cartman presses a kiss to his neck. 

“They sure are,” Cartman agrees. “But Stan got his uncle to bring them in,” he admits. 

“Dude!” Kyle shouts.

“I know, I lied, but come on Kyle, you gotta admit you’re happy,” Stan defends himself, hands raised. Another firework goes off, and Kenny and Butters ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ from where they’re laying on the grass together. 

Kyle looks up at the sky, watching the blue and gold lights sparkle and fall. “Yeah, I am,” he says. “But we should probably get going before the cops show up.”

-

It’s a quick walk for the five of them to Cartman’s house, and Kyle sets his pile of gifts on the kitchen table as Cartman gets him a bottle of water from the fridge. Stan, Kenny, and Butters head upstairs immediately, arguing over who gets to shower first. 

“So? Best birthday ever?” Cartman asks as he watched Kyle’s Adam's apple bob as he drinks. 

Kyle wipes his mouth and thinks about it for a moment before replying. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Cartman laughs. “Dick.”

“I kinda just want to go to bed now, though,” Kyle says, and as soon as he’s said it, he yawns.

“Yeah, apparently,” Cartman agrees. “Well, let’s go to bed then,” he says, and he takes Kyle’s hand and starts leading them up the stairs. When they’re stripped down to their boxers, they climb into Cartman’s bed and Kyle settles down again Cartman’s chest, listening to the steady thumping of his heart. 

“I love you,” Kyle says softly as he closes his eyes. 

“Love you, too,” Cartman sighs. “Happy birthday, Kyle.”

**Author's Note:**

> [writes a kyle birthday fic months before his actual birthday] i had written the beginning of this fic forever ago and just finished it. it was a lot of fun to write, actually!! i hope y'all like it. thank you for reading!


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